“We’re Making Getting Frisked Fun Again” – TSA / Mafia Joint Venture, ‘the Lounge’ Opens at JFKGeneral, Headlines, National News, Photo Gallery Tuesday, March 13th, 2012
Although many of the flying public has thought of us as being insensitive to the hassle and degradation of being fondled in public, as well as viewed naked with the newest scanners, we at the TSA listened. In a innovative public/ private partnership, the TSA has partnered with the professionals who know the strip club business the best, the Mafia (& its prostitution and human fulfillment division) to provide the next generation of pat down /full body searches — “the Lounge”. We opened our first “Lounge” at JFK only a month ago, and the respond has been overwhelming to say the least.
We used to have to hound people to arrive at the airport at least an hour in advance, in order to get past security and board their plane on time. Now guys (and some women) are showing up 3, sometimes 4 hours early, just to spend some extra ‘search time’ with our trained staff. I just can’t tell you have many guys have actually demanded very thorough body searches in our private strip search rooms off the main bar. Nobody would ruin the experience of our lap searches, by placing a bomb in their underwear, said TSA official Tommy O’Hearly. Not only would the friction set off the device, the would be terrorist would deny himself the one true, remaining pleasure of flying these days.
About the only difficulty we’ve faced so far, is having to turn away guys who actually aren’t flying, but still wished to be given a lap search or two. And the only issue is that a number of guys have actually unintentionally or intentionally missed their flights, apparently because of what I can only assume is a safety concern by insisting on a dozen or more lap searches before they left.
The “Lounge” is also turning to be a significant source of income to the TSA & homeland security – even after the Mafia skims its usual take (including hiring all Mafia contractors for trucking, waste carting, and various kickbacks from unions they control). The Lounge not only pays for all of the TSA staff throughout all the terminals at JFK airport, it also generates enough income to pay for the TSA staff at LaGuardia. We are in the process of rolling out “Lounges” at all the major international airports by end of 2012 – and expect to be able to fund some other agencies with our income, as well as that for all of Homeland Security. I guess this is just another example of government responding to its citizens needs and bringing the attention our citizens seek.
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